THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS


THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS March 15, 2014

. . . harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 5

It has been said, “Anger is a luxury I cannot afford-.” Does this suggest I ignore this human emotion?I believe not. Before I learned of the A.A. program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose.

The Steps offered me an alternative. Step Four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of “letting go” started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me.

From the book Daily Reflections
© Copyright 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Happy 4th Step


” Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. “

I love doing small 4th steps as I get older in sobriety, it gives me a way to really look at myself and what kind of changes I can make in my life.

Most people are afraid of a 4th step, I was terrified the first  time I did a 4th step because I was afraid that I would leave something out of it and would have to go back and redo my 4th step. That was not the case of course, “More will be revealed”.  I was lucky enough to keep it simple but to put my whole entire life’s worth of resentments that I could remember into a huge notebook. As I wrote my columns, names, causes, effects, and where I was wrong I soon started to feel more and more free. My thoughts as I continued to write where “What would my sponsor think of me”?  “I’m such a terrible person”, but as I kept writing I was realizing that not all resentments where all everyone’s fault. I finally realized that I was blaming others for my happiness. Willing to forgive is one of the MOST important tools I think I learned in AA and it was not only a freeing tool but a tool that I would be able to use on myself and others.

Once I handed over my 4th step to my sponsor she proceeded to tell me to burn it. WHAT, Burn it? I couldn’t believe I did all that work for nothing. We still had our sit down and discussion on my 4th step and I was finally learning how to accept my mistakes, forgive myself and move on. It was not for nothing because I had become a person that I respected and accepted. I had a whole new attitude and outlook on life.

Early in sobriety doing a 4th step sounded scary to me, I guess it was all that work I would have to do and I wondered if I would do it right or would I be able to put everything into my 4th step worrying that I would be judged by all the mistakes I had made in my past. This was not the case at all. I was the one that had to take that look at myself and ask God to please help me in forgiving myself and others.

Today I try to apply a 4th step in my life that is needed. Some will tell you that you will never have to do a 4th step again but in my case I know when I need to do a 4th step pretty much right away. I’m an alcoholic and always in need of doing step work. I call them mini 4th steps. When I’m in pain or holding a resentment that is a red flag for me and so I have to consistently apply the tools I was given in my life or I could die and that is all the reason I need to do the work. My 4th steps are not as big as my very first one but I can tell you when you find selfishness, pride, ego, resentments creeping up on you if you don’t do the work you could relapse or die.

I Love my life today and would not want to live it any other way. God has Blessed me with so many good people in my life and he has given me the tools to live by so I’m going to use them. I earned my seat in AA and I will continue to keep my seat warm no matter how much work it takes on myself as I have been forgiven and I’am free today. Nothing can be more satisfying.

God Speed my Friends

TBH

EXAMPLE OF A MINI 4TH STEP

Dad – Abandoned me                           insecurity

Mom  –  denies past                               hurts me

Sister  –  intentional harm                  no trust

Daughter  –  lie’s, cheats, steals        guilt, shame, trust

Friend  – gossips                                    trust, resentful

NOTE: Never do a 4th step alone. Always share your 4th step with your sponsor.