And, speaking for Dr. Bob and myself, I gratefully declare that had it not been for our wives, Anne and Lois, neither of us could have lived to see A.A.’s be- ginning.
THE A.A. WAY OF LIFE, p. 67
Am I capable of such generous tribute and gratitude to my wife, parents and friends, without whose support I might never have survived to reach A.A.’s doors? I will work on this and try to see the plan my Higher Power is showing me which links our lives together.
Taking financial responsibility for ourselves is part of recovery. Some of us may find ourselves in hard financial times for a variety of reasons.
Our recovery concepts, including the Steps, work on money issues and restoring manageability to that area of our life. Make appropriate amends — even if that means tackling a $5,000 debt by sending in $5 a month.
Start where you are, with what you’ve got. As with other issues, manageability and gratitude turn what we have into more.
Money issues are not a good place to “act as if.” Don’t write checks until the money is in the bank. Don’t spend money until you’ve got it in your hand.
If there is too little money to survive, use the appropriate resources available without shame.
I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37 I believe that we in Alcoholics Anonymous are fortunate in that we are constantly reminded of the need to be grateful and of how important gratitude is to our sobriety. I am truly grateful for the sobriety God has given me through the A.A. program and am glad I can give back what was given to me freely. I am grateful not only for sobriety, but for the quality of life my sobriety has brought. God has been gracious enough to give me sober days and a life blessed with peace and contentment, as well as the ability to give and receive love, and the opportunity to serve others—in our Fellowship, my family and my community. For all of this, I have “a full and thankful heart.”
A.A. also helps us to hang onto sobriety. By having regular meetings so that we can associate with other alcoholics who have come through that same door in the wall, by encouraging us to tell the story of our own sad experiences with alcohol, and by showing us how to help other alcoholics, A.A. keeps us sober. Our attitude toward life changes from one of pride and selfishness to one of humility and gratitude. Am I going to step back through that door in the wall to my old helpless, hopeless, drunken life?
Meditation for the Day
Withdraw into the calm of communion with God. Rest in that calm and peace. When the soul finds its home of rest in God, then it is that real life begins. Only when you are calm and serene can you do good work. Emotional upsets make you useless. The eternal life is calmness and when you enter into that, then you live as an eternal being. Calmness is based on complete trust in God. Nothing in this world can separate you from the love of God.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may wear the world like a loose garment. I pray that I may keep serene at the center of my being.
I have found that some people around the tables no matter how much they go to meetings or how much they know the 12 steps and 12 traditions they want their glory of being right. I call this sicker then others. No knowledge what so ever can change me but taking action on myself and accepting people for who they are and what they believe helps me to develop a better relationship with those people. Last week I had an experience with an elder gentleman at a meeting that just insisted on interrupting the meeting and wanting to talk about the group and it’s finances, and other negative problems. I’m not the type to keep my mouth shut so I interrupted him and told him that none of what he was speaking of had anything to do with the meeting itself and that if he wanted to discuss it we could sit down and talk about it after the meeting. So then after the meeting I sit down with this man and he is making all kinds of false accusations about this group and saying that he was a group member. I said “Really? Because you must be the only group member”. This group had been taken over by new comers back in 2011 from Bridgeway that did not follow any steps or traditions and then just recently walked away with everything. Now before anyone gets upset, this sometimes happens when you don’t have a good foundation.
I proceeded to listen to the gentleman and he just kept complaining about how he did not think he should have to get his paper signed and he didn’t understand why he had to go to certain meetings that lasted an hour and 1/2 while people took a smoke break and he felt that he should be able to leave early. I replied that he needed to speak to his sponsor about this situation and he replied that he had no sponsor. I was done. You cant get anywhere with someone that does glory judging.
Glory Judging is a sickness. My definition of Glory Judging is when you want to focus on what everyone else is doing and you want to bring it into a negative light so that it makes you look better.
I was once like him and ran my mouth 1 too many times in a meeting and was asked to shut up. I thought I had all the answers and my knowledge was so important that I had to share it in a group of 50 people or more. Well I learned my lesson that day. I got my feelings hurt because I was asked to shut up, I felt sorry for myself, and I was humiliated in from of everyone. Let me say that being asked to be quiet was not done in a rude way, they where very kind about it but my idea was that I knew all and needed to share all. I learned a lesson that day, Keep quiet and listen, I might just learn something.
Then we have the Glory Judging by those who say, “Well at least I didn’t do that”. Well just because you didn’t get caught does not mean you did not do it. We have all made mistakes and when we get into the cliches of Glory Judging and surrounding ourselves with negative behavior we are continuing to feed our disease. Know one and I mean Know one is free of this character defect but once acknowledged it can be dealt with. Such as Step 4 brings us to most of our defects. I continue to make a list of my defects on a daily basis as I need to focus on myself and my inventory to make sure I’m not Glory Judging anyone or anything. There is a difference in talking to my sobriety sisters and sponsor to get another opinion of my thinking.
I’m done trying to run the show in my life and spending time trying to control people, places, and situations in my life today. I think this was the most freeing experience I have had in my life when I gave up the control. It consumed my life in a negative way and I ran rapid trying tell everyone what they need to do or say. This New Freedom (Which is in “The Promises” in The Big Book on page 83-84) and New Happiness is something I will never forget. I’m no longer spending my time trying to run the show and in a negative way at that.
I had so many excuses for everything and nothing was my fault. You could not get me to own anything because I lived in denial and did not want to face the truth and deal with me. It was easier to blame someone else for my problems instead of looking at myself and changing my actions. Of course I had to do some really deep soul searching and have a Spiritual Experience that came after working the steps but I would have never thought in a million years if you would have told me I could have this peace and serenity I would have not believed it.
It’s not about my past today, I have owned that past and dealt with it, it’s about what I can do today for the next person that suffers and I choose to throw myself into action today. Not action that benefits me because that would be self centered but action that helps another person that suffers. I heard a speaker last night explain The Promises and he hit it head on. He said, “Think of The Promises such as you would think of a warranty on a new car.” If you follow The Promises it is like your warranty in life. So if I continue to work the 12 steps I will continue to benefit from The Promises. This does not mean my life will be perfect and I will be surrounded by butterflies and unicorns, but I will learn how to deal with situations that use to baffle me and my whole attitude and outlook on life will change.
Today my life is not perfect, but I can accept it for who I’ am today and I’m not running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to cover my tracks because I did something wrong. If I keep doing what I’m doing I will keep getting what I get. I don’t want to live in worry, fear, guilt, shame and remorse today. Today I choose to be happy and work The 12 Steps and call my sponsor and surround myself with people who are doing the same.
*Life is so much better and peaceful today because of the actions I choose to take one day at a time.
For years I lived my life being afraid. Afraid of saying the truth, afraid of being me. I have been receiving threatening messages from family members because of my blog. Well I’m no longer afraid.
I have boundaries and I respect myself enough to not fall into the chaos and the insanity that others bring from not being in control. Somehow, someway my sick family has found my blog and now wants to confront me on my past and what I should and should not be doing. Well I’m an adult and I will share what I want to share about MY LIFE and MY PAST struggles and I have every right to do so. Now if it bothers you that bad then DONT READ IT! AND yes, It’s that easy.
For them it is all about control, it seems they have no control and so they want to try and force me to continue living a sick miserable life as they still do. Well my choice is to live in Peace and Serenity today.
Sorry, It’s not gonna happen. I’m Happy, Joyous and Free today. Know one and I mean Know one will step into my life and tell me what to do. It has been years that I have distanced myself from these people and they still want to try and control my every action. I have been living in fear afraid to speak my mind and I refuse to live in fear today. If someone does not like what I write they don’t have to read it. Its that easy. Move on and get a life and stay out of mine. There is a reason for the distance and it’s because I don’t want to be associated with any of you.
Now this does not mean I don’t have a past and I have not struggled , it just means I have dealt with my past and I have forgiven myself such as God has forgiven me and that is what makes me who I am today.
But let me say this…By my family telling me what I have done does not fix me, I’m the one who haves to do the work on me and fix myself, trying to tell me what to do does not fix anything, it just proves to me that they are still sick and confirms that I’m making the right decisions in my life today. Just that easy. I have done a lot of work on myself and I’m in a peaceful place today and because they are not does not mean I should suffer. So with all this rambling I just want to say, I’m No Longer Afraid. No more trying to bully me into anything.
Get Your Own House In Order and focus on yourself.
Keep doing what your doing and keep getting what you got.
I find that this word is a very powerful word and can be used as many means of control over others. There are so many types of guilt that are also used and the list below are only a few.
Guilt from others expectations- Not living up to cultural expectations.
Guilt from not taking action- Guilt of doing or being.
Religious Guilt- Not being able to forgive yourself.
True Guilt- Being faithful to yourself.
False Guilt- Feeling guilt towards yourself for doing what another person wanted.
Guilt of shame – Feeling that you have done something wrong from another persons actions.
Survivor Guilt- Feeling you were less injured or less damaged than others.
The Responsibility Guilt is when you do something wrong and you feel you need to make the situation right. An Ego Driven Guilt is when you start to realize you have done something wrong and decide to build a resentment towards others. You have to make others feel worse than you feel and go out of your way to manipulate the situation to work in your favor. By acting out in the Ego Driven Guilt a person becomes so consumed in trying to hurt another they become a miserable person themselves. Most people who carry this guilt can not hide their misery.
You cant depend on others for your own happiness. Why should another person suffer for the way that you feel?
So, there are many types of guilt and I choose to live focusing on what is in front of me and not behind me, I cant do anything about what happened yesterday but I can deal with all of the old behaviors that I have built up to protect myself as a child when I was being abused. The tools that I have today can be use in my life to deal with certain situations, if not for those tools I don’t think I would be here today. The control over others is not my goal but to live my own life and deal with what comes my way makes me so much more peaceful today. Which would I rather be, miserable or happy? I choose the happy road of destiny.
I Love my life today and would never trade it for anything in the world. My daughters are all 3 taking me to church tomorrow and out for a Mothers Day Dinner. That is not the part I enjoy the most, don’t get me wrong, I will enjoy the time I have with my daughters and grand children but I love going to a super market and letting my 2 year old grandson loose on the floor to watch him in his innocence running all over the place looking at everything that fascinates him. He lets out a big ohhhhh and a ewwww and it makes me laugh, but to be able to enjoy those moments for what they are makes me truly grateful for everything I have today. Watching the grand children in their pure and raw moments just takes me back to that innocent little girl I once was and the trust and the love that my grand children have is so much. I’m happy that they have a life of no worries and that the cycle has been broken. Let children be children because they are only children once. I wish all the Mother’s all around the world The Best Mother’s Day tomorrow.
Sometimes when we sit still We watch all the miracles happen.