I have found that some people around the tables no matter how much they go to meetings or how much they know the 12 steps and 12 traditions they want their glory of being right. I call this sicker then others. No knowledge what so ever can change me but taking action on myself and accepting people for who they are and what they believe helps me to develop a better relationship with those people. Last week I had an experience with an elder gentleman at a meeting that just insisted on interrupting the meeting and wanting to talk about the group and it’s finances, and other negative problems. I’m not the type to keep my mouth shut so I interrupted him and told him that none of what he was speaking of had anything to do with the meeting itself and that if he wanted to discuss it we could sit down and talk about it after the meeting. So then after the meeting I sit down with this man and he is making all kinds of false accusations about this group and saying that he was a group member. I said “Really? Because you must be the only group member”. This group had been taken over by new comers back in 2011 from Bridgeway that did not follow any steps or traditions and then just recently walked away with everything. Now before anyone gets upset, this sometimes happens when you don’t have a good foundation.
I proceeded to listen to the gentleman and he just kept complaining about how he did not think he should have to get his paper signed and he didn’t understand why he had to go to certain meetings that lasted an hour and 1/2 while people took a smoke break and he felt that he should be able to leave early. I replied that he needed to speak to his sponsor about this situation and he replied that he had no sponsor. I was done. You cant get anywhere with someone that does glory judging.
Glory Judging is a sickness. My definition of Glory Judging is when you want to focus on what everyone else is doing and you want to bring it into a negative light so that it makes you look better.
I was once like him and ran my mouth 1 too many times in a meeting and was asked to shut up. I thought I had all the answers and my knowledge was so important that I had to share it in a group of 50 people or more. Well I learned my lesson that day. I got my feelings hurt because I was asked to shut up, I felt sorry for myself, and I was humiliated in from of everyone. Let me say that being asked to be quiet was not done in a rude way, they where very kind about it but my idea was that I knew all and needed to share all. I learned a lesson that day, Keep quiet and listen, I might just learn something.
Then we have the Glory Judging by those who say, “Well at least I didn’t do that”. Well just because you didn’t get caught does not mean you did not do it. We have all made mistakes and when we get into the cliches of Glory Judging and surrounding ourselves with negative behavior we are continuing to feed our disease. Know one and I mean Know one is free of this character defect but once acknowledged it can be dealt with. Such as Step 4 brings us to most of our defects. I continue to make a list of my defects on a daily basis as I need to focus on myself and my inventory to make sure I’m not Glory Judging anyone or anything. There is a difference in talking to my sobriety sisters and sponsor to get another opinion of my thinking.
Lately my patience has been running thin with 1 particular person that I have been having to deal with. I have had to do a lot of work on myself to keep my peace and serenity from being thrown right out the window and going back to my old ways. I have been praying for this person and even tried making an amends just to keep my side of the street clean but that just completely blew up in my face and I just could not keep this person focused enough to just talk about us. Let me just say that some of us are sicker then others and I’m no better then anyone else but I do have really good tools that are a part of my life today. I find myself wanting to just remove myself from the situation. Now call it selfish and maybe it is but my sobriety is much more important to me today and being fed everybody’s business does not help me recover, I choose to focus on me and not to hang out with another person who continues to gossip, brag and drop names in the program. Today I can be honest with myself and sick is sick, there is no way around the gossip. On another hand I find some women being consumed by this persons sickness and I cant help them they have to learn on their own I have found in my experience that people don’t learn by being told, they learn by realizing. I had to get enough of it to realize that I needed to make changes.
Gossip is a number one killer in recovery and especially with women.
Gossiping about anyone means I’m still sick and still need to do a lot of work on me.
When you start working a 12 step program those first 3 steps change your life.
Step 1 – We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable
First Step Prayer
Dear Lord, Help me to see and admit that I am powerless over my alcoholism. Help me to understand how my alcoholism has led to unmanageability in my life. Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness. Remove from me all denial of my alcoholism. (This prayer is developed from the chapter, More about Alcoholism)
Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Second Step Prayer
Heavenly Father, I am having trouble with personal relationships. I can’t control my emotional nature. I am prey to misery and depression. I can’t make a living. I feel useless. I am full of fear. I am unhappy. I can’t seem to be of real help to others. I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity if I am just willing to stop doubting your power. I humbly ask that you help me to understand that it is more powerful to believe than not to believe and that you are either everything or nothing. (p. 52:2, 52:3, 53:1, 53:2)
Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
3rd Step Prayer
“God, I offer myself to thee – to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always”.(63:2 original manuscript)
2. Hope. (Open-mindedness to the idea that we are not God)
3. Faith. (Willingness to surrender to the process laid out before us)
4. Courage. (Willingness to trust that God as we understood Him would see us through the difficult process of facing ourselves)
5. Integrity. (Assuming responsibility for who we have become)
6. Willingness. (Let go of the old and let God bring in the new)
7. Humility. (Knowing who we are and now who we might become)
8. Justice (mercy) and brotherly love. Brotherly love — doing right, forgiveness, understanding, taking responsibility for ourselves and others.
9. Self-discipline and good judgment. (Acts of restitution)
10. Perseverance, discipline and open mindedness. (Self acceptance)
11. Awareness. (Seeking wisdom and God’s will for us) (Spirituality)
12. Love and service. (Being available to those in need, gratitude in action)
By the 3rd step there is a transformation if you are working the steps with a sponsor and regularly attending meetings.Stick with the winners and not the gossipers, this means to hang onto the people around the tables that are working their program and not talking their program.Also if a person does not have a sponsor locally this is a red flag for those who are new if you cant get a sponsor locally then there is something wrong.