Had a long talk with my brother last night (2 hours) on the phone and he has been on my mind ever since.
My brother and I have not been very close since he got married, but relationships change when you get married and have children, life becomes busy and you have priorities. I would never blame him for this. *smiles*
Now that he has become separated from his 2nd wife (December 2011) and has gone through much since this (I will not air his dirty laundry) and has survived. I want to share some things I can air. * I’m tearing up already*
My brother Ronnie, has been calling me and keeping in touch with me lately and I’m learning more and more every time we speak.
Last night I have learned that he Truly loves his children and that he has goal’s in life. Ronnie is moving on and it is so deserved.
I remember as a child he never had a chance to have a decent life and he was given the short end of the stick.
There were 3 girls in my family and 1 boy and looking back I don’t think my mother knew how to deal with him.
So many memories and so much I have learned from the conversation last night but what I have Truly learned is That I Love My Brother unconditionally.
No judging him on his past mistakes.
No bad mouthing him because he was loud and out spoken and mainly boastful. (lol) That’s my brother.
No shunning him for the way he believes.
I see him as a person that never had a chance.
When speaking on the phone last night I realized he was sexually abused by many people, (friends and family) , Put in situations where he was forced to fight Adult Men while he was a child, and he was Truly never loved.
Now, this is NOT my opinion folks because I have already lived this life also and have dealt with my own demons from my past by going through 1 year of Sexual Abuse counseling once, twice and sometimes even 3 times a week and also regular counseling.
It was very trying but powerful at the same time and I have moved on and learned how to deal with life in a better way. (God is Good)
He does not have the tools that I have now and he reminds me of myself before I realized I needed help.
He thinks he can do it on his own and so he is trying. (I Love You My Brother) For not giving up.
My heart Aches for him and I cant stop thinking about all the things discussed last night and realizing all he really wanted in life was to BE LOVED and accepted.
Now the negative part:
We have both made decisions (i found out last night) to cut off most family members (not all) in our lives because there is no positive that comes out of it and you cant keep beating a dead horse or how ever you say that. Negative, Negative, Negative.
When you constantly hear your entire childhood life:
You are a bad person.
You are no good.
You dont deserve that.
You are stupid.
You are worthless.
You are making those stories up. (speaking of the sex abuse)
You grow up believing these things and thinking you dont deserve anything good that comes your way.
And being abandoned on a regular basis as a child to people you don’t know, people who are just as abusive, people who don’t care, this effects your life in many ways as a child and also as a adult. (there were good people such as a couple of family member’s and one foster family we were left with but the good never lasted)
My mother was married 8 time’s and we had so many shady people coming in and out of our lives that we were so confused and always trying to adapt from one situation to another. Now as children this is very confusing and you automatically learn to adapt like a chameleon adapts to it’s environment and this was normal in our lives as children. Always looking for that approval and acceptance from anyone.
Now I know you must be saying to yourself, Where was your father through all of this? Well my father lived in a different state and had no idea what was going on and to this day still feels guilty for not knowing.
Now getting back to my brother:
He had really no chance in life. He was a product of his own up bringing and yes he made some very bad choices that ended him up in prison for most of his young adult life. Of coarse he never learned in prison how to deal with life, but he finally found a woman who loved him, got married and had 2 Beautiful children.
Now there where many struggles along the way and a divorce, many more mistakes made and a second wife to come (now separated), but at least he tried and I have the utmost respect for him because of that. He wanted what he never had.
He is now in his mid 40’s and dealing with life as he only knows how and I only wish Happiness for him and his children. They all deserves it.
Through all of his trials and tribulations he stands strong and he try’s not to let his past effect him and he blames know one but himself for his mistakes. I admire you Ronnie.
I happen to see it differently, Most children when young really only want one thing and that is to be loved. He stated last night on the phone that he does not know if he even knows how to love someone. I asked him if something bad was to happen to one of his children would it upset him? He said yes right away. I told him “Ronnie, You know how to love”. *You are a good parent.”
He carries so much guilt in disciplining his children because of the way he was disciplined (abused) as a child.
I have seen lately where family members have posted on his children’s fb pages
“Dont grow up and be like your dad!”
“You are a better person than your father.”
This is very hurtful, harmful, and damaging to a young child receiving messages as such. This child knows his father loves him, this child will never know the abuse the way his father was abused, this child Loves his Father with all of his heart. Why would you do that? Well I know why.
People like to focus on other people’s problems so they DONT have to TAKE A LOOK at THEMSELVES.
Denial does not fix anything but you cant force someone to be honest so you have to let it go and pray for the best.
This is a sad cycle in my family up bringing and no Positive comes from it.
So I have learned that we (me and my brother) are breaking that cycle.
So with all of this said and so many more things I really would like to say but my mind is going faster then my fingers.
I Love You Ronnie and I will Always Love You and treat you with the respect that you deserve.
Know one, and I mean know one deserves to be treated the way you were treated as a child and still as an adult.
I will Always be there for you my brother, thru good and the bad because you deserve at least one person to be there and love you unconditionally and accept you for whom ever you want to be.
I Love You my Brother.