Releasing Ego


Easing God Out

I have found through working the steps that I had a pride and ego problem. Me? Have a problem like that? Of course not. But as I soon got closer to the Third Step in the Big Book and 12X12 I realized it was so true. Releasing ego is not a simple step but it is a step that I can work on in my life on a 24 hour period. If I find myself getting defensive or feeling some type of  guilt and refusing to face it, I’m full of ego. When I feel these feelings today I know there is some type of step work I must do to get through the process of releasing my ego and then letting go. When I’m aware of my character defects I can work on them. So when I  find myself feeling selfish, self centered, self seeking, self pity, I most likely use the third step prayer to follow with letting go. This is not easy but with practice it become 2nd nature. I had to be willing to want to change because I was desperate enough. Besides, it’s really not just all about us. We must help another alcohol to truly be free. I love the zeal that new comers have when they have finally gotten it. You see a new freedom and happiness in them and they have no idea they have made changes. So with ego comes much practice learning that you are NOT the center of attention and not always is everything about you so dont take it too personal if you are a new comer around the tables.

EXAMPLE

Early on in my sobriety I was going to meetings and I wasn’t much of a talker. I would just sit and listen to the people talk and then all of a sudden I heard them speaking about situations I had been in and I thought “How do they know this about me”, “Did they call my family and get all this information on me”?

I was convinced that they were speaking to my family and friends and they were sharing all this information in the meetings when in fact they were speaking from their experiences, strength, and hope. So remember if you are a new comer, dont worry, no they did not contact your family or friends, they are just sharing from what they have experienced. Now you can relate.

God Speed my Brothers and Sister

TBH

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6 thoughts on “Releasing Ego

  1. You know, I can take a lot from your blog in two ways. The obvious one is for myself. But I will step outside of my usual self for a moment and vent for a moment, and afterward, I will let it be. (After all I can only control myself)
    There is an individual I have known for a short time, and he insists he is a recovered alcaholic. With zero previous treatment, and still a weekend warrior, the only thing that has changed is his behavior.
    I take this as an intense slap in the face of those of us who have put in the work to take a good hard look at ourselves, identify problems and issues, and fix them.
    While I am no saint, distractions like this bother me.

    What would you say to someone like this if you came face to face?

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    • Thank You for your post and let me say I can relate. I have been struggling with a woman for the past year. She claimed to have worked the steps and continued to gossip and spread nothing but lies and mislead people. I had a couple of discussions with her trying to make some kind of sense out of it and finally I handled it by calling her a liar and a gossiper to her face. We almost came to blows over it. This is NOT the way it should have been handled at all. Instead of me focusing on myself and praying the resentment prayer (The Big Book Pg. 552),

      “‘If you have resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate, understanding and love.

      I let the resentment get to me and I made a decision not to go to meetings for almost 2 months because of her, I was only hurting myself and my peace and serenity. After almost 2 months of not going to meetings I attended a meeting on a Saturday night and realized I needed to do a mini 4th step. I grabbed my sobriety sister (a woman that is sponsored by my sponsor), and I asked her if we could meet after the meeting and I did a mini 4th step with her. It was the most important thing I needed to do at that time and I felt so free and knew what I had to do next. I finally realized I needed to make an amends to this person. Of course with her being the gossiper that she was I called my sponsor and brought this to her attention and then made a safety plan, after all I did not want my amends going south into a conversation of name dropping, trash talking, gossip so I made the decision with my sponsor that I would make the amends in a women’s meeting with other women around. The next week after the women’s meeting I asked her if I could speak to her and I made my amends. Again, the most freeing thing I could have done. When I learn to forgive myself I can forgive other’s.

      I completely understand where you are coming from but I know if you don’t deal with the way you are feeling and pray to ask for help, you will be stuck. This is our old behavior and we dont want to fall back into it. It’s the ole saying “It works if you work it”. it took me a while to be stuck in my resentment and for me to do something but I finally realized by admitting I had a resentment and making an amends set me free.

      Tradition 3
      “The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking”

      Side Note: I never went through treatment but I was a bottom alcoholic and I knew I needed help. I was willing to go to any lengths to get clean and sober. We all have to remember that sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly and all we can do is find compassion in our hearts for the person still struggling.

      I hope this helps you and if you allow this person to make their mistakes they will learn eventually. Time is all you need.

      Big *hugs* TBH

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      • I appreciate your reply more than words can express. I have held in my feelings and tried to exercise patience with my friend up until this point, however, my resentment has affected my willingness to continue associating with them. I’m constantly checking in with myself to measure my behavior and motives and it’s so hard to have someone figuratively “spitting in my face”.
        Now the thing I am faced with is how to make amends with someone who proclaimed that he is stronger than me (hit a nerve) and to this point really is unaware that there is an issue.
        It will help if I get this off my chest I think, instead of holding it in.

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      • Remember we have to take care of ourselves. Talk to your sponsor about this situation and they can point out some step work that you could do to help you get through this situation. I understand getting a nerve struck, but if I give a person that much power and control over me I need to look at myself and let go and move on.

        Many *hugs*
        TBH

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      • You are completely right. 😉

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      • It’s not about being right, it’s about recognizing our faults, resentments, and selfishness and working on them. I really hope you figure it out because I only hurt myself when I held my resentment. I earned my seat in AA and I’m not giving it up that easily.

        *hugs*
        TBH

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