Live By Example, Not Force By Self Will

Tradition Eleven—Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

  • 11. Awareness. (Seeking wisdom and God’s will for us) (Spirituality)

I have seen this many times by people around the tables. Too many people forcing their will upon new comers and seeing the new comer slowly leave from meetings.

My main point of sharing is to NOT to tell someone NOT to do something or “You better do this or you will relaps” and to do it MY way or you will die but to share my experience, strength, and hope  in a kind and compassionate way. From my experience this has worked for me and so I share what helped me. I understand that some people get worn out and frustrated and forget how the program of recovery works and they believe that some people need this militant type of discipline and they forget what it was like when they first walked into the doors of AA. I don’t see it going anywhere if I don’t show the same kind of compassion that was shown to me. Besides, when a person is ready, such as I was, they will be willing to go to any lengths to do whatever it takes to work on their sobriety.

It is sad to see new comers forced out the door from a person in recovery trying to force their will upon them. I choose to live by example today and if someone is attracted to that then it was meant to be. I dont jump on women when they first come in the door, I introduce myself and try to lighten the load for them because I know in the beginning it was hard for me to even be in the rooms of AA and I was not sure if I needed to be at an AA meeting with all those crazy people.  Lets just keep it simple and allow the new comer to first feel comfortable and safe coming to a meeting and not to force a new comer into doing a lot of step work in the beginning. I see this a lot in meetings and it saddens me to see a new comer leave because they were threatened or forced into following all these rules we have set for them.

I try to make an effort to let them know I’m not perfect and I do have a sense of humor today, and welcome the women and men. Give them some hope in the beginning not scare them to death.  So with all this said “Keep It Simple” my friends and set an example because when that new comer is ready they will come to you and if they are not ready well it was meant to be that way just for today.

So lets prayer to ask God to help us do his will and not our own and live by Tradition 11- Attraction rather then Promotion

God Speed my Brothers and Sisters



3 thoughts on “Live By Example, Not Force By Self Will

  1. vijay9281 says:

    Hi. I have been putting off going to AA for some of the reasons you mention. I want to go as I truly feel it will help me on my path. My sobriety is in its infancy and I will need all the help to maintain it. Your post gives me hope that there are people there like me. Val


    • Hi Vijay, I did the same thing for a while and I’m not proud of it. I stopped going to meetings because of a certain person I could not stand to be around. She was always forcing her will upon myself and others and the only thing it did was hurt me. Finally I got desperate enough to grab my sponsor after a meeting and do a mini 4th step and realized I had to make an amends with this person. Once I did the mini 4th step I felt better and after making the amends I felt free. Who would have thought working the steps would have helped? Just joking.

      My suggestion is to go to meetings and not say much and just watch and listen to the people who share around the tables. This will give you a chance to see how a person shares. Pick the person that is willing to work with you in a compassionate way. Today I love my sponsor because she never forces me to do anything, but she does give suggestion and this is what I love about her. I hope that you find what you need in the rooms. Most of the time if you listen you can find it. Many *hugs* TBH


  2. Ellie Sofia says:

    I agree with what you are saying. I remember being terrified, the first day i went to an AA meeting but i was fortunate they more understanding others there. If you’re not already, you’ll make a great sponsor, TBH. Respect to you. God Bless,Ellie x


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