Dreams

Lately I have been having some really bad dreams and I’m not sure why but my only guess is that since I have been working out at the gym these dreams have started to develop. The dream I had this morning seems so real to me that I woke myself up yelling. My dream seems to me as a nightmare and I still feel yucky inside and I say yucky because I cant quit describe what I feel other than fearful and yucky so maybe if I share the dream I can get some input on what it means or why I feel the way I feel.

NOTE: This dream was about my sister for some reason, now let me explain some of the situations she has put herself in. She has very bad behavior when she drinks. She cant control her overall body functions down to her bladder. It’s almost as if she is in some kind of coma. My sister has had epilepsy since she was 12 and she has those kind of seizures where she looks like the exorcist girl when she does have them. Yes, she looks possessed and that really scares the hell out of me. I was never able to help her as a child when she had these episodes because I was so afraid and would have to run and get someone if it happened around me. I have only seen 3 episodes but she has many. OK, so back to her behavior, When you are around her drinking no matter where she was, with her children (all 7 of them) or in a public place, the responsibility of taking care of her automatically became yours. Especially if you are a family member.

The Dream.

The dream starts out in a very positive manner, I met someone I was happy to meet and was getting along so well with the person that we became close. I then made the decision to leave and meet this person later on that evening at a certain time. All was going so well and I feeling very content. I then get to my home in my dream and go inside of my home and I start looking around and everything is a mess. Too my surprise I start picking up everything and I come upon a persons leg so I follow it and figure out it is my niece. I then look up through the sliding glass door of my home and I see my sister laying out on the patio with some strange man (don’t know who he is). Now want to get ready as I want to meet my friend that I met earlier in my dream but I know this is going to be a problem because as I’m looking outside and opening the glass door to try and find out why she is at my home, more and more of her children are showing up. (small children, children that are unable to take care of themselves while my sister is under the influence). I ask my sister “What are you doing here?” she replies with some kind of jumbled answer “What The F** do you mean?” I’m frustrated by now because this will become my responsibility if I don’t get her out. I have to get her and her children out of my home in my dream I’m suppose to meet someone at a certain time right? So I start to tell her that she needs to get out and she goes all ape crazy on me (still in her drunken stooper) and grabs a bat and chases me to the neighbors house where I find safety. Now I know all of this sounds crazy but this kind of stuff actually happened in my life, not this situation but the actions are very close. Now I’m at the neighbors and so I eventually have to call the police to get her out of my home and the neighbors have to leave because they have another engagement so they leave me a lone in their home. A police officer shows up and is telling me they cant do anything even though she is drunk and has all of her children with her and they cant remove her from my home. What? Same ole same ole. So then the officer suggests that I call the children’s agency to come and do a welfare check. While all of this is going on my sister is antagonizing me and coming closer and closer trying to provoke me into reacting so I will come outside of my neighbors home so she can hit me with a bat. I’m fearful of getting hit with a bat so I’m trying to do the right thing by following all of the instructions that the officer is telling me to do. Needless to say the officer leaves and my sister (under her drunk stooper) continues to push her luck and cross those boundaries and get closer and closer to me even getting into my neighbors home and walking in and walking out right next to me with the bat. So finally I decide I have to stand up for myself and I yell loudly “Get Out Of The House!” This is when I wake myself up.

The feelings I have are so undesirable after awakening. I felt so hopeless and helpless as if there was no way out of the situation. The boundaries I was setting with her where intentionally being broke so I got to the point where I was going to have to stand up to her and let her know that she cant do this any more. I know I did not want her to become my responsibility as it use to be in my younger days and there was no talking to her because you cant reason with someone under the influence and at the same time she was getting defensive and there was going to be no way out other then violence.

So that was most of my dream and if anyone can help me with understanding it I sure would appreciate it. The feelings I had in the dream are still effecting me and probably will go with me through out the day until I have finally forgotten as this always happens.

NOTE: This was only a dream. I have been in situations similar to this and I don’t like the way the situations make me feel.